My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
