im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
