shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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