Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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