I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
