I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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