so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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