Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
