oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
