He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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