mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
false alarm. still invincible.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
