oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i will never coherently bang her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
