i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
