whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
