oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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