Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
