Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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