Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
