Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
