you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was born a porn star she said
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
