My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
