just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
