Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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