She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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