so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
