So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
