I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
