You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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