On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i now understand why vodka
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
