somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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