idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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