My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
