I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
