Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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