i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
