I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
