Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
