New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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