She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
