you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
