There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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