okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
