thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
