Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
how does that bad decision feel?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
