You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize