I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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