You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
