I wish I could teleport
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
