roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
