Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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