Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
