So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
