Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Another day, another engagement, another cat
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
