you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
